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A shiba puppy in a shirt
Pure gold
Portland, MN – “Buy Doge!” “Get Shiba!” You hear these words everywhere lately!
In the finance community, Shiba (as in the popular Japanese dog breed) is the talk of the town online, as experts everywhere encourage investors BUY SHIBA! 
So that is why local, unemployed man Alan Simon acted fast and bought a shiba inu puppy from a small family breeder in Iowa. He named the dog Pants.
“I’m still not rich,” says Simon, holding Pants. “I don’t know why.”
Pants cost Alan a whopping 1250 dollars, but “you have to spend money to make money” he reports while walking Pants, who is ironically wearing just a shirt. A puppy shirt. Witnesses say it was “comedy gold,” which unfortunately does not have the same value as regular gold. 
When asked if he plans on purchasing more cryptocurrency, Alan replied “crypto-what? Like Bigfoot studies? Not really into that.”
While he may not be into cryptozoology, Alan’s plan for shiba inu-based wealth is to: dress the dog up, put pictures on the internet, and hope for a profit.
We wish him the best!