ROANOKE, VIRGINIA–Throwing a gender reveal party can be an exciting time, especially when the gender turns out to be a bomb. Pavel Thurston has been planning on throwing the party for weeks, since the ultrasounds were able to pick up the tell-tale shadow of a small timing device.
“It’s a wonderful time! I’m excited that my wife and I are having a bomb.” Thurston, an explosives expert who had spent time in Afghanistan, said, “Boy. Girl. IED. As long as they’re healthy, that’s all that matters. But the kid looks good so far. Healthy ticker. A good sturdy exterior of galvanized steel, but it could be stainless. Seven or eight pounds of black powder with a small amount of thermite too. We couldn’t be more proud.”
Shelly Thurston , Pavel’s wife, shared in her husband’s excitement for the birth. “I’m just tired of being pregnant. It’s exhausting carrying around something that could detonate and blow up a small house. I can feel the baby tick all the time.”
As for their party, of course there will be the cake and punch, but there will be something special planned. “I know. I know it’s tacky. But I couldn’t help it,” Mr. Thurston said, gesturing at a box marked with U-235 and radiation warning stickers. “I am just so excited to invite Tienti into our lives.”
When asked about if he was going to put blue or pink powder in the explosive device he is planning, he said, “Nah. I don’t want to spend all that time focused on my kid’s genitals.”