News Shorts

Cisgender Expo Unveils Newest Absolute Nonsense Trans People Have To Take Seriously 

Two cameras recording presentation at press conference, blurred speakers wearing suit background, live streaming concept

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Trans people across the world let out a collective sigh this week as the Cisgender Expo in Washington D.C. revealed the latest absolute nonsense they have to take completely seriously now.

The yearly conference for people who identify as the gender they were assigned at birth has served as a space to debut and drum up excitement for pure drivel that, for some reason, trans people then have to pretend is a valid concern worth discussing. The Expo was the first to announce countless excruciating cultural phenomena like worrying that transition is just too accessible or being invested in Caitlyn Jenner.

“In the past we’ve been proud to present amazing pieces of utter claptrap such as gender reveal parties and caring deeply about whether singular they is grammatically correct,” explained its first speaker, identified only as ‘definitely a man’. “But we’re not here to rest on our laurels. We’re here to make a whole new crop of complete codswallop that every trans person will have to be extremely sensitive to us about from now on.”

“Hoo boy,” the trans community replied, collectively.

The remainder of the conference was separated into several sections. First was Unimportant Things That Are Now Deeply Important, which included a special sub-conference about school sports. Next, they continued on to Negative Trans Stereotypes, which received a record five new entries this year, and Strained Media Analysis, a perennial fan favorite. Three new entries were made to Things That Trans People Do That We Hate But Definitely For Some Other Reason before the conference finished, as always, on Just Plain Falsehoods.

“We think these new additions to our repertoire of unmitigated poppycock will be great for cis people everywhere,” said Lucy Terrence, cisgender woman and organizer at the conference. “I personally can’t wait to have wildly oversized emotional reactions involving them that I will categorically refuse to question or unpack.”

When asked how she thought the new sheer balderdash would go for trans people, Ms. Terrence responded, “Who now?”.

“Well, that’s gonna be my Twitter for the next few forever,” said local trans man Emory Foster, inadvertently the voice of his community. “Yay.”